Somebody advised me that writing helps one to make one's thought process clear. Sharing the feelings may be best way we can express ourselves to world. Sharing the little knowledge I have gained may help me to have the fulfillment of inner satisfaction if it helps someone. So I thought let me experiment with blogs. So this is my first blog.
Many things have changed in my life at least externally if not internally. My beliefs were changed over the time. I was raised as a normal child during my life having same aspirations of good job, comfortable life. I had the wonderful opportunity to study in Navodaya in my school days from 5th to 10th standard. I got to interact with many people with different talents and good faculty who involved us in various kinds of activities. During the same time my family conditions became worse as my father loss all his money in business and no way for my parents except to depend on me till I grow and start earning. Later intermediate is full of study. On the average of 12 hours per day studying, but not quite boring as my ego was constantly satisfied by performance over there(amazing how ego works more than anything). Then my engineering in JNTU Kakinada was quite good with stay at home with parents, with my friend Ravitej and my cousin sister. Nice friendships were developed there with Prasad, Gangadhar, Suresh, etc. Tried to enjoy a lot in B.Tech along with others. Cricket was our favorite game, spending many hours playing it. Watching TV, movies, chitchatting with friends were some of the famous common activities as they are with everyone. Saturday and Sunday were holidays. So sometimes from Friday night to Monday morning goal is not to waste single minute but to enjoy in all these activities. Some subjects were interesting to me. I heard some body from our college got GATE 1st rank in civil engineering. I also developed some desire to achieve some rank in GATE as I know if I put endeavor I will be able to do it. In second semester I got to study some self help books like "You Can Win" given by my friend. Those were very helpful in changing my consciousness or thinking pattern. I studied them as I thought they will make me winner or give some good help to give me focus. It helped in that way but first time in my life I thought of developing nice character. I gave tuition in one semester so that finance can be helpful to my family. I got very nice association in my class especially with Prasad as he himself started focusing on his all round development, and in home with Ravitej being topper in Mechanical branch. With 3rd year GATE approaching I intensified my studies to achieve something in 3rd year only. Started preparing schedules with 10 months before. I had put some condition or oath in second year that daily I have to study 3 hours. It looks small number compared to intermediate but I understood that is a huge number for B.Tech. It did not work as I could not study at all on some days. So adjusted it like in a week on the average I need to study 3 hours. That means if I skip one day for 3 hours next day I need to study 6 hours. It also did not work after some time. So I need to go for concept of negative numbers. means in a week I can go to negative but later I need to balance it. Finally I had to abandon all together that big negative number and start afresh with 0. With 3rd year GATE approaching it becomes easy to focus and numbers are positive and finally I was able to secure 37th rank in 3rd year itself. People appreciated me and me ego got boost. In 3rd year I started reading Vivekananda's books. It was very encouraging there I learned very new principles in those books. One such principle was celibacy. Vivekananda attributed all his memory power to celibacy. Previous to that I have no idea that lust is considered bad and being free from it is considered pure. So I though let me also try to follow that one. But I realized that was the most difficult thing to do, to be free of it in actions, words and thoughts. So that struggle for purity started from there, going on and it will go on. After 3rd year not much to do. I still pursued in final year to get 1st rank in GATE. But having lot of time I started reading more of Vivekanada's books and some very few spiritual books. Sometimes did meditation. Finally gave GATE exam. After that I thought I will read Bhagavad Gita most recommended book by everyone. Prior to that I thought I will try becoming vegetarian due to some incidents I saw. So I took this opportunity and said to friends that I am reading Bhagavad Gita and will not take non veg for sometime. Because to say no to nonveg will have lot of peer pressure and I don't want myself socially not acceptable(at least I thought like that). I read small Bhagavad Gita published from Gorakhpur which has only translations. I could not get much meaning. Some verses got strike like three types of foods etc. Some famous verses like yada yada hi dharmasya, I could recall them and remembered I heard them many times before. But I felt lot of knowledge presently inaccessible in it there. Meanwhile I got AIR 5th rank in GATE and got lot of appreciation from friends and college. Lot of support was given to me by my parents especially my mother. My friends Ravitej, Prasad, sister and others gave constant encouragement. Ravitej got 42nd rank. At this point of time there is a competition developed between me and Prasad that who will get best outgoing student award. Both are all rounders in games, activities and studies. Little kind of envy developed in me, though never acted on it. I wondered how can I have envy with my close friend. I thought I am somewhat pure with no faults. Realizing that I am not so pure, I thought I should work on this. Prasad got best outgoing and I got second best outgoing. I was satisfied with that, as that is how it should be. I realized that I am not so pure but I will put my efforts towards it. I thought in future my life will be spiritual and I recalled some statement like if God exists then I should attain him. By reading Vivekananda's books I thought my life goal will be if God exists I should attain him and if not I should be in some top position in world. In my speech to my B.Tech farewell party I articulated some of these thoughts that we will get to know many more things by reading spiritual books like Vivekananda's. As B.Tech coming to close I get to know many friends and the feeling of separation from everyone made everyone coming together more often and more emotional. I choose to enter IISc Bangalore for post graduation as it is considered prestigious. Somebody told that in IITs there will be groups of spiritual people for meditation etc. So hoping to excel in my academics and as well in spiritual pursuits I entered IISc.
Many things have changed in my life at least externally if not internally. My beliefs were changed over the time. I was raised as a normal child during my life having same aspirations of good job, comfortable life. I had the wonderful opportunity to study in Navodaya in my school days from 5th to 10th standard. I got to interact with many people with different talents and good faculty who involved us in various kinds of activities. During the same time my family conditions became worse as my father loss all his money in business and no way for my parents except to depend on me till I grow and start earning. Later intermediate is full of study. On the average of 12 hours per day studying, but not quite boring as my ego was constantly satisfied by performance over there(amazing how ego works more than anything). Then my engineering in JNTU Kakinada was quite good with stay at home with parents, with my friend Ravitej and my cousin sister. Nice friendships were developed there with Prasad, Gangadhar, Suresh, etc. Tried to enjoy a lot in B.Tech along with others. Cricket was our favorite game, spending many hours playing it. Watching TV, movies, chitchatting with friends were some of the famous common activities as they are with everyone. Saturday and Sunday were holidays. So sometimes from Friday night to Monday morning goal is not to waste single minute but to enjoy in all these activities. Some subjects were interesting to me. I heard some body from our college got GATE 1st rank in civil engineering. I also developed some desire to achieve some rank in GATE as I know if I put endeavor I will be able to do it. In second semester I got to study some self help books like "You Can Win" given by my friend. Those were very helpful in changing my consciousness or thinking pattern. I studied them as I thought they will make me winner or give some good help to give me focus. It helped in that way but first time in my life I thought of developing nice character. I gave tuition in one semester so that finance can be helpful to my family. I got very nice association in my class especially with Prasad as he himself started focusing on his all round development, and in home with Ravitej being topper in Mechanical branch. With 3rd year GATE approaching I intensified my studies to achieve something in 3rd year only. Started preparing schedules with 10 months before. I had put some condition or oath in second year that daily I have to study 3 hours. It looks small number compared to intermediate but I understood that is a huge number for B.Tech. It did not work as I could not study at all on some days. So adjusted it like in a week on the average I need to study 3 hours. That means if I skip one day for 3 hours next day I need to study 6 hours. It also did not work after some time. So I need to go for concept of negative numbers. means in a week I can go to negative but later I need to balance it. Finally I had to abandon all together that big negative number and start afresh with 0. With 3rd year GATE approaching it becomes easy to focus and numbers are positive and finally I was able to secure 37th rank in 3rd year itself. People appreciated me and me ego got boost. In 3rd year I started reading Vivekananda's books. It was very encouraging there I learned very new principles in those books. One such principle was celibacy. Vivekananda attributed all his memory power to celibacy. Previous to that I have no idea that lust is considered bad and being free from it is considered pure. So I though let me also try to follow that one. But I realized that was the most difficult thing to do, to be free of it in actions, words and thoughts. So that struggle for purity started from there, going on and it will go on. After 3rd year not much to do. I still pursued in final year to get 1st rank in GATE. But having lot of time I started reading more of Vivekanada's books and some very few spiritual books. Sometimes did meditation. Finally gave GATE exam. After that I thought I will read Bhagavad Gita most recommended book by everyone. Prior to that I thought I will try becoming vegetarian due to some incidents I saw. So I took this opportunity and said to friends that I am reading Bhagavad Gita and will not take non veg for sometime. Because to say no to nonveg will have lot of peer pressure and I don't want myself socially not acceptable(at least I thought like that). I read small Bhagavad Gita published from Gorakhpur which has only translations. I could not get much meaning. Some verses got strike like three types of foods etc. Some famous verses like yada yada hi dharmasya, I could recall them and remembered I heard them many times before. But I felt lot of knowledge presently inaccessible in it there. Meanwhile I got AIR 5th rank in GATE and got lot of appreciation from friends and college. Lot of support was given to me by my parents especially my mother. My friends Ravitej, Prasad, sister and others gave constant encouragement. Ravitej got 42nd rank. At this point of time there is a competition developed between me and Prasad that who will get best outgoing student award. Both are all rounders in games, activities and studies. Little kind of envy developed in me, though never acted on it. I wondered how can I have envy with my close friend. I thought I am somewhat pure with no faults. Realizing that I am not so pure, I thought I should work on this. Prasad got best outgoing and I got second best outgoing. I was satisfied with that, as that is how it should be. I realized that I am not so pure but I will put my efforts towards it. I thought in future my life will be spiritual and I recalled some statement like if God exists then I should attain him. By reading Vivekananda's books I thought my life goal will be if God exists I should attain him and if not I should be in some top position in world. In my speech to my B.Tech farewell party I articulated some of these thoughts that we will get to know many more things by reading spiritual books like Vivekananda's. As B.Tech coming to close I get to know many friends and the feeling of separation from everyone made everyone coming together more often and more emotional. I choose to enter IISc Bangalore for post graduation as it is considered prestigious. Somebody told that in IITs there will be groups of spiritual people for meditation etc. So hoping to excel in my academics and as well in spiritual pursuits I entered IISc.
